The Spaces In Between

A few years ago, I began choosing a word or words for the year instead of making a New Year’s resolution. The idea behind the practice is that the word will help guide you in the year to come and that it reflects intentions you have for yourself and/or your life. My first year (2014) I couldn’t choose just one word, and picked breathe and lead with love. In 2015, my words were Trust and Focus and in 2016, Listen and Flow.Often my words have reflected my desires to bring more mindfulness into my life, to pay more attention to the world and my inner voice, and to accomplish something in regard to my work.

In 2017, I didn’t end up writing about it here but I did pick a word: space. I wanted to think about creating more space in my life, in my relationships, in my work. Space to think. Space to explore. Space for myself. I often over-extend my energies and I wanted to think about creating space to breathe and slow down and be present. And the theme of space and place was certainly present in 2017, as I juggled teaching and job applications, and several moves, and as I navigated various changing friendships and relationships. It fit in many ways, but I also feel like it was a good reminder about how important it is to be precise. (Something I also learned from my friend who has warned me about her experience the year she chose “Vulnerability”). Looking back, space was perhaps not the best choice, especially without a second word to balance it out. (It is the first year I only picked one word–and I think I will stick with two from now on). When I think back on 2017 and the word “space,” I think about spinning out into space, the greyness of looking out into an unknown future, and the distance and disconnect I have felt with various relationships with friends.

With that in mind, this year I have thought a lot about being precise with my words and the intentions I am inviting into my life. Originally, I was going to return to a word I have considered a few times over the last couple of years: possibility. It seems hopeful, and captures the uncertainty of my future in regards to jobs, but in a positive way. I often do not know what the next year will bring in terms of teaching and funding and jobs, and this year is no different, but I am in a good place in regards to that uncertainty. I am (most days) calm and collected and confident. I know what I am good at (teaching, writing, research, mentorship, connecting with others, creating community) and I am sure that I will find a job that fits me. I don’t know where or when. But I am open to all of the possibilities in front of me, and it seems like a good word for 2018.

But, I am wary of this word too. I don’t want too many possibilities springing forth into my life. I would also like some security and stability, and was thinking about pairing possibility with a word like rooted (although I don’t want to get stuck) or grounded (but I don’t like the sound of that word, even as I love its meaning in the sense of being centered and connected to the earth.)

I am a member of a Circle of Women that meets once a month, and for the last few years our January meeting has focused on our words for the year. I was eager to talk with them about possibility and what I might pair it with, and the discussion this past weekend was interesting and useful. Two members have chosen words for 2018 that I used in the past, “listen” and “trust,” which I think are excellent choices. Suggestions they gave me for my second word included, stability, security, centered, choice, which all sparked discussion about the nuances of words and what I am hoping for the new year.

In the end, I had more questions than answers after Circle (which isn’t a bad thing!) and decided to do a free-association exercise to see what words came to mind and felt “right” for me.

Magic. Possibility. Stability. Rootedness. Connection. Community. Friendship. Love. Openness. Wonder. Roots. Connection. Creativity. Care. Adventure. Hope. Choice. Safe. Understanding. Faith. Healing. Forests of trees, root systems connected to each other, branches, family, communication, care, growth. Experience. Travel. Family. Writing. Success. Safety. Security. Abundance. Gravity. New. Innocence. Fresh. Aliveness. Excitement. No fear of risks. Confidence. Nature. Outdoors. Sky. Moon. Seasons. Cycles. Emotion. Grief. Love and loss. Health. Body. Mind. Wakefulness. Mindfulness.

There are so many beautiful words here, and many would be wonderful to carry with me in 2018. In the end I have settled on magic and connection. Magic (which was actually a Circle member’s word last year) captures the hope and possibility of my original choice without seeming overwhelming. It also captures some of the mindfulness practices that my 2014, 2015 and 2016 words called upon (breathe, focus, flow); I want to make sure to pay attention to the ordinary magic in every day life. And recently magic has been showing up in my life in different ways. Connection, which was repeated a couple times above, gives me the sense of being grounded or stabilized in some way, but without the idea of being stuck. It makes me think about the ways that trees are connected by and “talk” to each other through their roots, and it serves as a good antidote to my negative feelings about “space” with regard to relationships. I am sure that many of the above free-write words would also be excellent choices, but these two feel right in an indescribable way.

Today I watched hundreds of thousands of snow geese fly overhead, the setting sun brightly glinting off their bodies, the blue winter sky filled with the sound of their calls as they flowed past in long V shaped lines.  Magic and Connection. 

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Do you choose a word for your year? (Or have a resolution you are excited about?) If so, I would love to learn what it is!