The Spaces In Between

Things I Carried Coming Into The World

I was inspired by this poem: “Things I Carried Coming Into The World” by Remica Bingham to write my own poem of that title. I have several drafts of different versions, focusing on my own heritage, geneologies, and family memories, various versions that more closely fit Bingham’s poem. But nothing really finished. Last night, during a free-write, thinking about the title and focusing on my birth, this poem flowed out, giving words to something that I have never really expressed before.

Things I Carried Coming Into The World

The loss of a twin at 12 weeks,
the miscarriage of one baby,
but not the other.
Not me.

My mother didn’t even know she had been carrying twins,
till they found my heartbeat, still there,
safely cocooned inside

till I couldn’t hold
on anymore.
Born six weeks early,
only 3 lbs.

I didn’t know about her
till much, much later.

The other–never missed as a sibling,
just an abstract concept, the question:
what if I were two?

Responses

  1. K Avatar
    K

    As a mom of twins, as someone who has miscarried multiples, wow this hits hard. This is beautiful, for so many reasons. What if you ARE two? Not literally mind you, but that through your birth you carry her essence with you? That through you, she lives?

    Reply
    1. jvoor Avatar
      jvoor

      I was thinking of you, K, and the twins, when I posted this. Thank-you for leaving such a thoughtful comment. I hadn’t thought about this idea that through my birth I carry her with me. It brings a whole other dimension to the idea/image of “Things I Carried Coming Into the World.” It makes me think of all the other people who I have lost and carry with me through my memories. Acknowledging that she is a part of me, that I am two, even though I didn’t know her, is a good feeling.

      Reply
  2. Remica L. Bingham Avatar
    Remica L. Bingham

    Thank you for sharing this difficult/bright-burning memorial with us, Jessica. I’m so glad you found some kind of light to draw from in my work. — Love,
    Remica

    Reply
    1. jvoor Avatar
      jvoor

      Remica, thank-you for the original poem, and all of the ideas that it inspired! And I greatly appreciate you stopping by and commenting. <3- Jessica

      Reply

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